Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
