closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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