Can Purell be used as lube?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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