I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
