so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize