Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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