A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
