how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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