i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
