The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
