4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
