He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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