my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
