My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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