i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
