god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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