the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
