U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
