There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
