someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I puked a lego.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
