So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
