Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
