she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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