Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize