how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What a dumb baby whore.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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