I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
