you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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