good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize