You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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