Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
