How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize