What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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