so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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