i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
