she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
