My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
