I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
