I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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