Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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