The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
