I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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