I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
