Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize