can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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