Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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