i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
