if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
