Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
