Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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