I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
