eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize