The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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