I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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