i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
