I bet he comes in French.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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