What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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