I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
