i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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