it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
