oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
