I want to stick my p in your. b.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
