You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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