Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just invented taco cereal.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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