Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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