i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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