My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
