I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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