all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
