yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
