I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
