I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
