stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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