my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
