I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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