im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize