An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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