porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
