Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
