i think i have herpe
just one?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
