Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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