eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
