What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
