Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
