So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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