it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
