I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize