I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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