I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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