Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
