everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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