Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
