all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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