walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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