You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
