i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
